Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Thoughts on a 10 hour bus ride from Koh Samet

One of the most fore filling yet irritating parts of backpacking is going from place to place. The majority of the time is the hurry up and wait mentality; hurry up to catch the bus and then wait for 3 hours for the train you have to take to get you to your final destination. The people you meet along the way are a breath of fresh air, fresh perspectives from all over the planet.

On a 10 hour bus ride, back to Surin this past weekend, I actually had the time and a clear mind, armed with the bright lights viewed from a rainy bus window and my favorite music engaging my mind to wonder and think about my life, my choices, my future...about me....

I seemed all too easy to let the words come out of my sub conscious; almost like they were already back there waiting to come out hidden beneath the cob webs and the redundancy that I accidentally let my life slip into. When I say I believe in dreams - I mean it and I intend to live them. On this bus ride I started making promises to myself to ensure I do not fail at living my dreams with hopes that I am brave enough to go for them. I promised to stop being sick of waiting in the waiting line with fear of the worst happening to me and ultimately not following my heart fearful of judgment and failure.

I strive to be a woman of Renaissance; talented in many areas. I want to live and learn with an open mind and heart free from judgment and fear of that judgment from others. I want to learn from those around me, through their experiences and perspectives. No matter who you are encountering there is always something to learn from them and use in your life. It really is a gift that I encourage all to embrace.

As far as reflecting on my own faults, well, from this day forward I give up on my addiction of being a perfectionist that has eaten away at me for as long as I remember; my Achilles heel. I accept my faults as part of who I am. All of my parts make me, well...me...a beautiful talented person whom has so much to offer.

One of the reasons why I dreamed to travel was I wanted to see how big I really was in this world. Answers can be found on long bus rides like these staring through a rainy window. The answer is I am very big in this world, I am big in this life and I am just me; naked emotions both bitter and sweet, day dreaming of butterflies, consistently contemplating, desiring to be brave with knees shaking and forever shamelessly restless.

I would never trade me or my life and my choices for anything in this world.

The above was written September 15 at 1:30 am on a blank page in my book after a sudden urge to just write it all down.

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